He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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