He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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