My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
He shit in the fireplace
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
