these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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