Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
