I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
