My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Randomize
