3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize