I think I am morally bankrupt
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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