i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
