awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
he shaved USA in his pubs
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
