shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Randomize
