is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
