20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
