i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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