My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
