Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
