Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
