The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize