I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
