So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i just made my gag reflex go away.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
