We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
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