Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
