I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
