I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
