The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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