I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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