Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
