Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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