yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
