K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
