Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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