it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
