There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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