i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
