Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
