your thong is hanging out like whoa
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
