He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
