do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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