then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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