Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
When did angry sex become our thing?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
