its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize