Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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