you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
