remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
