you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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