I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
