I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
