Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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