hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Randomize
