my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
