You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize