Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
she pinky promised me she was 18
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
