I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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