Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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