thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
