What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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