I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
