Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize