I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
