If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
