she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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