soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
