so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
