I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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