but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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