glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
