Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize