Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
