I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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