Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
The air was thick with penises
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
