i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
