I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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