My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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