No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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