we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize