All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
