If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
