why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Be still, my beating vagina.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I have feelings that need drinking.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
