He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
