sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
