i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
