You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
