dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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