Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize