you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
