so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
