Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize