So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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