I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
