Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
You ever have a fart follow you around?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
