I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
