im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
It's rum buckets o'clock
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
