Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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