the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
