Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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