If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize