mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
