Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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