mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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