It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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