I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
