As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
