He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
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