I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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