You made me cry and you don't even care
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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