no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Randomize
